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How To Let Go of Assumptions in a Relationship

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Written By: Syra Salam

Under the guise of justified facts lies the devious art of assuming. Assumptions are destructive feelings that are detrimental to the foundations of any relationship. In a world consumed by mass media and connections, it is easy to be influenced by external sources in a sound judgment. However, we have only ourselves to blame most of the time. It is because we get distracted by our own emotions and biases. 

Every relationship experiences the omen of speculation, accompanied by its sycophant: expectations. At times the suffocation that comes along with the ordeals of partnership is simply the result of a hectic lifestyle and occupied schedule that is causing us stress. This can result in hypersensitivity and anxiety in certain situations. We begin to overanalyse the other person’s words or actions according to our perceptions of where assumptions arise. 

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Clarify

  • There are certain moments where we can be guilty of taking words and actions out of context, prescribing our own meaning and perception to them. Assumptions are fallacies derived from our own discernment with little to no credibility. This is why we should be cautious when attaching our biases and stereotypes to our judgment. 
  • Assumptions can be extremely harmful to your relationship to the extent that simple phrases, compliments, and even favours can be perceived as mockery, taunts, and feigned compassion.
  • his can give rise to unsurmountable anger and resentment towards your partner, which can escalate to severe arguments that are likely to place your relationship in a precarious position. 

Hence, first and foremost, you should always take a deep breath to clear your thoughts. You should hold your tongue the instant you experience exasperation to avoid criticising your partner. Secondly, adopt a gentle or normal tone and ask them what they meant by what they said or why they performed such an action.

 Chances are it was mostly your perception that was causing you to assume something sinister or viewing your significant other as an unconcerned companion, whereas the reality was far from it. It is most likely your partner actually had genuine intentions behind the piece of advice they offered you or the question they asked. 

2. Communicate

  • Communication is one of the most essential pillars holding the establishment of a relationship together. You can eradicate assumptions and reconcile the matter through communication.
  • In order to build a good and honest relationship, it is always important to be open and transparent with your partner. At times, this comes at the expense of hearing a few harsh words that may sting. 
  • However, suppose your partner is trying to clarify and communicate their stance. In that case, it is pivotal to hear their side of the story. You should not go on a reactionary tangent further accusing them of baseless assumptions. The recipe to healthy communication is speaking your heart out to convey your problems. While the other party listens, and vice versa to come to a concrete solution and understanding. 

Marriage counsellors have narrated countless anecdotes. In many of these, misunderstandings and baseless assumptions are the basis of the unhappiness of marriage. . Couples suppress these assumptions for years because they could not communicate their issues in a healthy, cohesive manner. 

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3. Check Yourself

  • Having reactionary judgmental assumptions is quite easy. However, what is difficult is acknowledging that you are creating an unattested assumption of your partner in your mind. Creating negative assumptions about your significant other and accusing them is a sign of something troubling within yourself.
  •  If you are someone who is thin-skinned and insecure about yourself or is not self-assured over your worldly matters, any criticism or even words of encouragement from your partner might hit a raw nerve. Even though that might not have been their intention, you might view them as cold-hearted and inconsiderate for mocking you.
  • Moreover, suppose you are someone who is habitual of creating assumptions not limited to your partner. In that case, you should seek self-help books. This is because it signals a deep-rooted problem of megalomania and wanting to exhibit dominance over the lives of others.

 Hence, creating assumptions about a person could be a coping mechanism in perceiving them the way you want to and not how others view them or present themselves. 

4.     Holding expectations

  • Most assumptions are born out of holding expectations from your partner, which are created due to the lack of clarification.
  • It needs to be emphasized that your partner cannot read your mind. It doesn’t matter how many signs or hints you have given to them that you have a problem with a specific habit of theirs. Unless or until you speak your mind and articulate your words to convey your feelings, you and your partner will not be able to resolve the issue until it is addressed. Until then, your mind will be swarming with assumptions about how you perceive your partner in a negative light. 
  • Furthermore, partners do not speak the same language either. As two distinct individuals with different needs, your way of expressing yourself might be different from theirs. And, that is entirely normal. Hence, instead of assuming, you and your partner can grow closer together. You can do this by finding a common language to express yourself by communicating and clarifying your stance. 

In conclusion, it is better to eradicate established assumptions in your relationship as early as possible. Speculation in a partnership crumbles the connection that you two share, replacing it with resentment. Instead, both the parties should come together in search of a solution to revive the flame of the marriage.  You must deal with the assumptions in relationship before they become a problem.

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