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Welcoming Bonus Children In Your Relationship

Written By: Syra Salam

Being in a new relationship where either you, your partner or both have children from previous relationships can be a tricky aspect to handle. Children are the most sensitive to newly formed relationships that involve their parents. Thus, it is essential to take the bonus children’s feelings into consideration after you and your partner set out to establish a serious relationship. 

With some patience, endearment, and effort you can manage to progress your relationship with your partner by welcoming bonus children into your relationship. Although this can be quite challenging, we’ll provide with you the essential guidelines on how to approach and form a bond with your bonus children to make them feel comfortable and welcomed. 

1. Handing Over the Reigns 

No child likes a controlling adult, especially one with whom they are expected to get along. It is important to understand the situation of the child’s life. Did their parents have a toxic relationship, are they in the process of finalizing their divorce and custody? These circumstances can make the child, at any age, quite touchy. 

Hence, it is important to not force your relationship with them initially. Instead, it is advised to let the child take the lead and establish a relationship with you at a pace that they are comfortable with. By doing this, you won’t come off as overbearing and signal to the child that you respect their space and their sentiments. 

 2.    Don’t Set Expectations

We all aim to achieve a happy, healthy household where everyone gets along and loves each other. However, being in a relationship where bonus children are included, this ideal scenario might take longer. Upon meeting your bonus child or children for the first few times, don’t expect them to warm up to you immediately and vice versa. 

At times, the child might feel uneasy with you as they might feel as if they are deceiving their ‘other parent’ or are cheating on them by liking you. Occasionally they might even view you as a replacement to their original parent, which may muster negative emotions. 

In this case, it is important to have occasional light meetings with your bonus child to not overwhelm them, while also giving them time to digest your presence in their lives as an expected bonus parent. By setting lower expectations both you and the child won’t feel burdened or pressurized to meet any certain requirements and can slowly develop a closer relationship over time. 

3. Involve Your Partner

As the parent of the child, your partner should have the greater say in how the relationship should progress between you and their child. It is important to take them into the loop if you want to learn more about your bonus child or children. This is also important since your partner would be more knowledgeable about their interests. 

Moreover, it is important to discuss essential aspects of parenting and establish boundaries with your partner about their children beforehand. For example, disciplining your bonus child so early on in your relationship may not be appropriate. It could set back any progress you have made with them. In these circumstances, it is better if you minimize your involvement. Let your partner take control of the situation and deal with their children themselves. 

4. Make Them Feel at Home

Your bonus child shouldn’t be made to feel like a guest or stranger in their own home or their parent’s home. If your partner has joint custody of their kids with their former partner, your bonus child won’t be at home with you all seven days of the week, depending on the arrangement. 

If they occasionally visit, you shouldn’t always treat them exclusively and spoil them to gain their favor. Instead, it is advisable to treat your bonus child as you would treat your own child. 

This implies that you should ask them to perform a few chores around the house and remind them to do their homework. More so even make them eat the vegetables that they might detest (after all it’s for their own good!). The more special treatment you will give them, the more disconnected they will feel from you and from your home.  

5. Be Their Confidante

Despite their age, bonus children have gone through a lot. It isn’t easy having your parents separated, or losing a parent. This in turn can make them quite sensitive or psychologically disturbed to go through and adapt to such drastic changes. Thus, it is always important to let the child grieve to process their feelings. 

During this difficult time, it is important to ask your bonus child in private how they are doing, and what you can do to help. Make sure to be compassionate, endearing, and open in your stance when dealing with such situations. It is important that the child sees you as a kind figure in their lives to whom they can confide in and tell their problems. If the child is too emotionally distraught by the circumstances, you can always recommend therapy as well. 

6. Don’t Suffocate Them 

If you and your partner have established a serious relationship, you might be spending a lot of time together. This might make your bonus children feel neglected if they aren’t able to spend private quality time together with their biological parents. 

It’s okay to remove yourself from the equation every once in a while, to allow your partner to bond with their children. Instead, take the time to focus on yourself and spend time with your friends and family to energize and replenish yourself. By not intruding in their personal family time, your bonus children will appreciate you more, and vice versa. 

In conclusion, being a bonus parent can be a challenging yet rewarding experience. Bonus children require more stability, and it is important that you and your partner are in a strong, long-term relationship to meet that specific need. Bear in mind to be a trustworthy, and kind person from the get-go, as children can sense if someone’s intentions are pure or not. Furthermore, remind yourself that welcoming bonus children in your relationship is a slow and steady process that requires a sufficient amount of effort to develop a peaceful and happy household. 

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Special Matrimony aspires to unite lovers of all kind. Marriage is a beautiful connection between two people, and we believe that it’s a sequence that should be made memorable. Our unique match-making platform aspires to connect people from around the world. Furthermore, we aim to connect people with certain conditions such; as autism, deafness and countless more. Here at special matrimony, we believe in three things: Love, Harmony and Joy.

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