Shared Trauma; Healing As A Couple

Shared Trauma; Healing As A Couple

Written by Abdullah

When you commit to a relationship with your partner, you commit to assisting them with most of their physical and emotional responsibilities. While you don’t have to be a personal therapist to be a good love partner, you can still support and understand your spouse through a difficult time. So, it is essential that you understand the basics of shared trauma so that you can hold each other when you are at your lowest.

You’ll have a more difficult time if your spouse is recovering from a traumatic event. Trauma-related symptoms and behaviours are difficult for everyone involved, including those experiencing the trauma and those around them. It’s difficult, but not impossible, to work through painful recovery together. To help you throughout the process, Special Matrimony brings you this article. Read on to understand how to deal with shared trauma.

Keep In Mind

The first step is to become aware of the situation. Often, you are unaware that you have experienced a traumatic incident. Many people are skilled at shrugging things off their shoulders, laughing away pain, or diverting their attention to food, booze, or amusement. However, it isn’t until you’re alone that you realize how traumatized you were by an experience. You’re in agony and anger, and all you want to do is curl up into a small ball and hide.

During the early stages of a shared trauma experience, you are typically numb, not experiencing anything or merely going through the emotions. So during that time, you really need to get yourself together and understand that you are going through something difficult. But, then, give yourself a pat on the back because even acknowledging the fact that you’re going through trauma is an extremely difficult thing to do.

Identifying Triggers

While your partner must manage their triggers, you may assist them by learning about them and avoiding triggering events or circumstances when they aren’t in a healthy mental state. Talking with your spouse might help you figure out what’s bothering them. Actually, talking with your partner is one of the most efficient ways to get to know what triggers them and avoid those triggering situations later on.

It’s also a good idea to pay attention to how your spouse reacts to these triggers at this point. When you recognize early symptoms of discomfort, you can help your spouse get out of difficult circumstances or help them self-soothe if leaving isn’t an option. Moreover, you must help your partner feel better by talking to them or distracting them with their favourite food or a date to their favourite restaurant.

Face Your Fears

When confronted with a traumatic event, you might progress through the numb state at varying rates. Some people remain longer than others, giving them the impression of being cold, aloof, and unmoved. The opposite could not be further from the truth. Those who are the most in pain may also be the numbest.

It serves as a reminder to respect one other’s grieving processes and to recognize that everyone grieves in their unique way. For example, while your spouse may suffer by immersing themselves in work while you prefer additional relaxation and sleep, you may accept these differences by sitting down and discussing them.

Acceptance Training

Acceptance is the next step for traumatized couples. What you oppose will continue to exist.  You and your partner lose intimacy and connection. You must practice acceptance with your significant other, and it can only be done by acknowledging the fact that you have trauma you are going through.

In addition, refusing to accept trauma erodes trust. They don’t trust you to make space for them. It can make your partner act distant because neither of you is ready to accept the facts. So, you should practice accepting the trauma that the two of you have. Only then can you move towards a more stable state.


After completing all of these steps, you may move on to the final phase, which is the antidote. You must have the willpower to overcome any obstacle that may try to slow you down during life with your significant other. After all, marriage is a commitment, and we believe that it should be given everything it deserves.

Couples dealing with trauma who work together to find a solution will experience post-traumatic growth, despite the difficulties. This implies that you will most likely recover from your shared trauma and become more robust due to it. The two of you will come out stronger than ever, ready to face anything that life may throw at you. But know that to reach that state, you must first go through rigorous phases that can put you down, but if you work together, you can overcome anything.

It is essential to understand that everyone experiences traumatic events and that you must have the willpower to challenge those events of shared trauma back. But, you should also realise that grieving is natural. Grieving will help you gain the power of standing throughout the storm, and it will give you the things you need for a healthy and happy lifestyle afterwards.

Special Matrimony:  

Special Matrimony aspires to unite lovers of all kinds. Marriage is a beautiful connection between two people and, we believe that it’s a sequence that should be made memorable. Our unique match-making platform aspires to connect people from around the world. Furthermore, we aim to connect people with certain conditions such; as autism, deafness, and countless more. Here at Special Matrimony, we believe in three things: Love, Harmony and, Joy.  For further information, be sure to contact us.

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